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by: Dr.ArleneKrieger,PHD
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The big bad wolf slyly put his arm around Little Red Riding Hood's shoulders and handed her a spot of tea and romantically said, "I'm not a fair-weathered friend".

Brooke was shocked and repulsed by her own naivety for falling for her latest suitor's seemingly scripted lines. She was educated, worldly, and attractive, and had been in her forties for more than a few years.

She entered my office for therapy distraught over her bad luck with dating men in her region This was not the first female patient that had expressed her disdain for the games that men play in the game of dating sites which seem to only showcase the "success stories".

Perhaps more than many therapists, I address women's perspectives on these issues not only of dating, but the new-age processes of Internet dating, sex and love. I am not convinced that the problem is specific to any specific locale (many of those interviewed for this article live nation wide). It seems that in our 21st century world of dating, these issues of the search for a soul-mate, lust, and the perfect partner run rampant and can happen from Peoria to Paris.

First and foremost, women are complaining about several major repeated patterns of behavior seen in many of the men they have met. Listed below are the major offenders as stated by many of the women interviewed for purposes of this topic, dating, sex and the quest to be intimate with that someone special.

A few of the major dating no-no's include:

1. He swears you are the only one, but you find he spends a majority of his time on the Internet, at dating sites, telling others virtually (no pun intended) the same thing.

2. Women are not the only ones who lie about their ages. That is a big mistake. A fifty year old man, can put a younger picture up, but in real life, he is still fifty, while the picture he put up may be when he was 30.

3. Suddenly the conversation goes from little pleasantries and compliments to nonstop complaints about his ex. It is fairly clear she is not yet out of his head and soul if that is all he can talk about.

4. "Some men can't even follow through. They take you on a date, tell you how crazy they are about you, and then don't call back for a week, while having "business lunches" with other women.... all the while having made a date with you for this Friday. All the while he is telling you he is totally committed to you. Huh?

I get it. I'm a single mature woman with dating experience. I have kissed my share of frogs. The key question here is.....WHY DO PEOPLE FAIL OUR EXPECTATIONS OF THEM???? And that is exactly what they do, because we set ourselves up for these disappointments!!!!!! People are people are people......thats right....we are humans with human frailties. All of us make mistakes, and not only fail others but ourselves sometimes. Sometimes our expectations are not the same as the other. Sometimes it is vice versa. There can be a thousand issues and elements involved.

I believe that in this twenty-first century of "internet dating"......we as women have to be, ...and by the way.........this is not an if, or a maybe, but absolutely a mandate that we "MUST BE" vigilant in our survival instincts!!!!!!! In other words....you must be discerning in your choices that you make.

Think of it this way...would you scatter your finances away haphazardly, or give away your most valued possessions to just any old person that passed your way. Of course not!!!!!!! Then I ask, why are we as women...so often giving away our most precious belonging....our essence and soul energy. Thats right.....your essence.....that which makes up the core of who you know yourself to be, including your sense of self, self-esteem, loving heart, physical life force, etc.

If the local men are acting like "he who dies with the most toys wins"...living their second childhoods all over again, why must we be susceptible to their fragile egos and acting out teenage acting-out?

The question that is posed to me daily regarding how to find the "perfect partner" is often raised, the answer lies in loving and respecting yourself-first. On the subject of sex, love and your body, you can never truly give to another, what you have not accepted for yourself. If you don't have love for yourself, there is no real love to emit.

Attaining this type of self-awareness means that, 'you are aware of what the boundaries and pitfalls of internet dating entails'. You're give physical, energetic, emotional, mental, soul-level, and spiritual aspects of your being, while maneuvering through this cyber-space world of the dating and mating process. Why not guard against the dangerous curves in the road ahead???

In the final analysis, you are responsible for taking responsibility for your own safety and growth. So even if the big bad wolf.....slips you that slippery and rancid cup of tea, it is up to you to decide if you want to go down that path! As they say...."IF YOU DON'T STAND FOR SOMETHING....YOU'LL FALL FOR ANYTHING....little Red Riding Hood

About the Author

America's 2nd Favorite Sexologist, Dr. Arlene Krieger, PHD practices In Broward County, Fl. She works with individuals and couples, on Relationship, Intimacy and Sexual issues. She is a licensed mental health professional, marriage & family professional, and clinical sexologist Click to visit Dr. Krieger's site

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