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by: HowardMacKinnon
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This is the time of year when divorced parents should settle on summertime access for their children. School and work can take a back seat during at least portions of the summer months as vacations and warm weather activities raise interesting possibilities. Usually it makes sense for our children to be with one parent most of the time and see the other parent on weekends or other scheduled access days. However, in the summer there should be more time available for the kids to spend with the parent they see less often through the year. Here are a few suggestions to keep in mind when figuring out the best summer access arrangements.

Nothing stays the same forever. Therefore, even if you have a court order or separation agreement that spells out in precise detail what summer access should look like, try to keep an open mind and be willing to take a fresh look at whether that schedule continues to serve the best interests of the children. Obviously as children grow older and other circumstances change a wise parent will take these changes into account rather than ritualistically following an outdated formula.

If you do not already know, it is alright to deviate from an existing court order or separation agreement if you and your ex spouse agree. The order or agreement certainly comes in handy in the event that you cannot agree. However, it is always better for the children to have two caring and mature adults continually willing to re-examine things and make sure they get what they need. It is prudent to write out the changes that you have agreed to simply to avoid any misunderstanding in the future. Just a handwritten note signed and dated by both you and your ex should do the trick.

When making summer access plans do not forget that the children may hope to take part in activities that you have not thought of. Both parents should encourage the children to spend extra time during the summer with the parent they see less often during the year. However, it is also important, especially for older children, to have their own time to do their own fun things during the summer. Everyone should work together so that the kids can be involved in sports, camp, or whatever else they have in mind and still involve both mom and dad. Involve the children in your planning and look for ways to overlap time together with their other activities.

There are lots of special events and activities during the summer. Some of them might be just routine birthdays but others may be special family get-togethers, picnics, or special trips. It is important to consider the best interests of the children first and foremost when any of these events or activities conflict with each other. If conflicting events occur each summer than perhaps the children can participate with one parent this summer and the other parents next summer. If the events are once-in-a-lifetime opportunities than it would usually be wise for the other parent to give way and not force the children to miss out.

It is important for the access parent to effectively use the extra time with the children to build, or rebuild strong relationships. This will probably mean adjusting your own way of doing things - turning off your cell phone, checking your e-mail less frequently, spending less time working, etc. When children are younger their happy if you can just find ways to involve them in whatever you are doing even if it is just some gardening, home repairs, or other things that we typically do not think of as interesting or fun. As the children get older they will want to be engaged in activities of their own and your involvement may be limited to showing an interest in what they have been doing, watching them at play and encouraging them. If you can find something that they are interested in that you are either good at or equally interested in than you have struck gold.

Always keep in mind that flexibility and cooperation go much further in furthering the best interests of the children then confrontation and rigidity. Even parents who have not separated need to be considerate of each other's needs and desires when deciding upon the summer activities they will engage in with the children. The best way to maintain strong and healthy relationships between parents and children are when everyone's input is sought and no one, including the "access" parent, feels left out.

About the Author

Visit the writer's web site at Divorce Canada for more helpful advice about divorce This web site also contains over a hundred pages packed with helpful tips.

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