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by: Dr.NoelSwanson
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The reasons why some children steal are varied. Some of them crave the excitement. Others may want to look cool to their friends, or may actually want the item in question. Still others want some sort of revenge on their parents, or stealing may give them comfort. A staggering 25% of children steal or have stolen during their short lifetimes. Usually once is enough, but those who become repeat offenders keep it up because they get what they are looking for. Whether it's attention, money or just the excitement, stealing does the job of providing it.

The big question of course is, how to make them stop? They need to find other ways to get those needs met and you need to help.

They also must learn the value of honesty. If you are trying to help your child or someone else's, it's a good idea to talk about ordinary things like school or television. You can work in your points about the positive traits of honesty and integrity. Using this technique, you can also bring them subtly around to sharing your family's moral code.

The best way to prevent stealing from happening is to find another way to meet their needs. Once their needs are met, they won't have to continue stealing.

Then watch your children. Not to catch them out, but to catch them being good. Reward and praise the little acts of honesty that you see. All of this promotes a culture of honesty in the home.

At the same time, you need to model the behavior yourself. Are you conscientious about returning change when you are given too much in a store, what do you do when you find a wallet or money in the street? Your children learn by watching you.

Encourage your child to do the right thing. This means putting it right. Not just paying back what was stolen, but also paying compensation for the inconvenience and disrespect caused by the theft. Ideally, the child should do this himself, probably with your support. Here are some suggestions:

Return the goods to the manager of the shop, school child, or teacher, along with some compensation and an apology.

Children respond to being encouraged to do the right thing. This means making things right. This means a variety of steps, not just paying back what was stolen, but also paying compensation for the inconvenience and disrespect caused by the theft. Encourage the child to find solutions him or herself with your support. Here are some ideas:

Bring the item back to the manager of the shop, school child, or teacher, along with some compensation and an apology.

If taken from a stranger, remove the items (perhaps hand them in at the police station) and impose a fine or loss of privileges.

Taking the stolen property back is his opportunity to do the right thing. If refuses, you then have no alternative but to impose an even higher penalty. The message must always be that doing the honest thing, even if it is after the event, is still the best policy.

Just as jail isn't a deterrent to a real criminal, grounding your child most likely won't cause him to change the behavior.

The final point is to let it go once the event is over. Go back to work at rewarding right behavior and quit concentrating on the wrong. What we all should strive for continually promoting honesty. Your child isn't your enemy, the dishonest behavior is.

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Dr. Noel Swanson, Consultant Child Psychiatrist and author of The GOOD CHILD Guide, specializes in children's behavioural difficulties and writes a free newsletter for parents. He can be contacted through his website: www.good-child-guide.com. This article is copyright. You are encouraged, however, to freely copy it provided this signature block is included without modification (other than the addition of your own affiliate link)

About the Author

More expert advice on children's behavioral problems is available from Dr. Noel Swanson's website, packed with tips and help on solving Child Behavior Problems.

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