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by: LisaCopen
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"When I was first diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, I was relieved at first," shares Cindy. "So many doctors kept telling me to see a psychiatrist, but I knew it was my body, not my head, that was in trouble." She explains, "I had spent so much time before my diagnosis being mad, having my illness finally validated was a great feeling. But six months later, the anger set in the pain management of the illness seemed to barely exist."

Many people are familiar with the book "On Death and Dying," written by a well-known doctor in Switzerland, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. The book explains how people deal with any kind of loss, but especially that which they face when coping with an illness. It includes a description of the cycle of emotional stages that people go through in dealing with loss. Anger is the third stage, following the stage of shock and denial.

When we are diagnosed with an illness, feeling anger is the most natural reaction. Realizing our dreams may be out of our control now that our body is redefining what is "normal" for us, can be devastating.

Admitting that we have deep emotions about the losses is part of the mourning process. The stages of the grief process differ for each person and how much time is spent there. You may find you breezed through the anger phase the first year for illness, but the second year when you lose another ability, you are angry for months.

Cheryl, who lives with diabetes, shares, "For the longest time the disease was just an annoyance, but once I had to start checking my blood sugar ten times a day and watching every bite I ate, I got angry. I lashed out at everyone, even my husband and daughter. I was so jealous they could eat whatever they wanted and didn't even appreciate it."

One thing we can count on is that anger is part of the grief cycle that we all go through when we suffer loss.

"It is my observation," says Linda Noble Topf, author of "You are Not Your Illness," "that the absence of anger in the face of a serious illness suggests that we have already withdrawn from life, that we have relinquished our passion for living, that we are resigned and emotionally numb."

Anger can be seen as something shameful to express, especially if you are a Christian, who has been told that angry emotions are not excused or even "allowed." You may experience some of these feelings:

- If my faith is strong enough, then I should trust that God is in control, so I shouldn't be angry at what He has planned. Doesn't anger show a lack in faith?

- If I reveal to other Christians that I am angry about my situation, won't they think I am weak in my walk with God?

- The Bible says, "Wise men shouldn't anger." I am far from being wise, but I still don't want to disappoint God.

- I have seen how angry people become very bitter and I don't want to be that kind of person. So if I ignore my anger, I will eventually become a better Christian, focusing only on the positive things life holds.

All of these thoughts are normal, but that doesn't mean they're correct. By burying our anger and not acknowledging it, we prevent ourselves from moving on to the next phase in the grief cycle, learning how to effectively manage our emotions and our chronic illness.

Here are a few suggestions for coping effectively with illness and the anger that accompanies it.

1. Are you angry? Acknowledge your authentic feelings and then get on with life.

It is easy to believe if we bury our anger we will become a stronger person. Topf recommends, "Think of anger as a resource that you can learn to harness and refine for your own benefit." By claiming your feelings you can reclaim your personal identity and your true emotions about the situation.

The Bible explains how Job got angry about the events in his life and cursed the day of his birth. He said, "Do I have any power to help myself, now that success has been driven from me?" (Job 6:13). In the end though, God blessed Job in many ways and Job told the Lord, "Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful to know" (Job 42:3b). Through his feelings of anger and frustration, character and understanding was built.

2. It is all right to have angry feelings.

God gave us the ability to feel anger. There are many examples in the Bible where even He feels anger. What does the Bible tell us about anger? Once you begin to get in touch with these feelings of anger, it may trigger every unfairness and injustice that you are experiencing. We are susceptible to becoming wrapped up in these feelings and remaining angry at the world. These are the feelings of anger that God warns us about; as He knows that they can become too prominent in our life and take our focus off of Him.

- "For man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires" (James 1:20).

- "Wise men turn away anger" (Proverbs 29:8b).

- "A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control" (Proverbs 29:11).

It is no secret that the God designed us with anger as part of our natural human response to negative circumstances. Some people may remind us that it takes anger to make positive changes. For example, the acronym "MADD" explains rather well the emotions behind Mothers Against Drunk Drivers. Topf writes, "We discover that anger is first and foremost demand for change." It's true, amazing changes have occurred in history because of anger, such as the civil rights laws. Having an "I'm-not-going-to-take-it-any-more-attitude" can create positive changes. It is when anger takes over a life that we are in danger.

In Amos 1:11 God says, "I will not turn back my wrath... because his anger raged continually." God is not upset with the fact that we justifiable feelings of anger, but because they can become continuous feelings that we insist on acting upon. The Lord calls us to refocus on Him and to use our anger to make positive changes that will ultimately bring Him glory.

3. Walk with God and He will walk with you through your anger.

David experienced this and wrote, "Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me." (Psalm 138:7). God is there when you need to feel angry and he wants to stretch out His hand against your anger and protect you.

"I'm still dealing with anger at this illness." explains Peggy, who lives with fibromyalgia. "Each time I realize I have another limitation, I experience anger. And yet, I know that God has a plan for my life that is perfect. As I become more adjusted to having chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia, and the limitations it places on my activities, I expect and pray for His perfect grace to become slow to anger, counting on the scripture, 'The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love'" (Psalm 103:8).

Anger is an emotion we will all encounter for the rest of our lives. Perhaps the simplest of advice is a scripture that I quote in my book, Why Can't I Make People Understand? Discovering the Validation Those with Chronic Illness Seek and Why" where I go through the mixed bag of emotions, especially anger and bitterness. It is Hosea 7:13b-14 in which God says, "I long to redeem [you] but. . . [you] do not cry out to Me from [your] hearts, but wait upon [your] beds." Instead of curling up in bed wailing "Why me?" pour our your heart to the Lord and simply ask Him for help.

About the Author

"Why Can't I Make People Understand?" is author, Lisa's hottest book that can get you past your emotions of anger at www.WhyCantIMakePeopleUnderstand.com . Get a free download of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend from when you subscribe to HopeNotes at Rest Ministries. Lisa is the founder of Invisible Illness Week.

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