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by: LisaCopen
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When your wife is chronically ill it can be hard for her to think "romance." She may be in a great deal of physical pain or also suffer from side effects of the illness or medications, such as weight gain or loss, a "puffy prednisone," or even feeling sick to her stomach. She may also be dealing with the loss of her career and dealing with grief.

Know that her lack of interest likely has nothing to do with your, but rather is just the result of being one of the 133 million people who deal with an illness. Sadly, seventy-five percent of marriages end in divorce when an illness is present.

So, how can you encourage her and maybe even get some of that romance back into your marriage? Here are some ideas to add some romance into your marriage.

Chocolate. Yes, it really can be that simple. But buy her some sugar-free chocolate that she can splurge on without the guilt. It's amazing how good it tastes! Chocolate has a chemical called phenyl ethylamine that actually produces the feeling of "being in love." Check out your local Wal-Mart or Target for their Russell Stover's chocolates that come in bags. Coconut, caramels, and pecans hmmmm you get the idea.

Be affectionate by simply reaching for her hand. Yes, I know you're hoping for more than holding hands, but if she's in physical pain it's going to take some real romance on your part to distract her from pain and get her refocused on you. Rub her back (gently!), cuddle, snuggle and don't pressure her for more. Pretty soon she'll be reaching out to you.

Tell her all the things you love about her: how strong she is, how much you admire her strength in coping with illness, how you're sticking around no matter what. Who needs romantic poetry? Speak from the heart!

Give her an indulgence of something she wouldn't buy herself, especially something to lighten up her mood on days when she isn't feeling well. Get her the DVD her favorite movie from high school, or a cozy new down comforter for her bed.

Schedule a retreat for her at home. Find care for the kids, bring home dinner, and don't say anything when you come home at 6 p.m. and she's still in her pajamas.

Write little notes that she can find any time. And don't forget to say thanks too! For example, if she does laundry, put a note in your own sock drawer to find when she puts them away that says, "I know laundry isn't easy for you to do. Every time I find clean socks here I am reminded how much you love me and how blessed I am."

Being romantic at home isn't hard. Purchase a fondue pot and tell her that you will bring home something to dip every Wednesday night so you two can sit and have a conversation over candlelight (and cheese, chocolate, marshmallow, etc.)

Need conversation starters? Buy a game such as "To Know You ... Better" or buy a book. Just do a search on "book of questions" for dozens of options. There are still a million things you don't know about each other, and yes, talking does create intimacy.

Don't forget to make a few changes in the bedroom to spark some romance. As silly as it sounds, candles, roses, and a great play list on your ipod tells her that you cared enough to set the mood for her.

Every woman is different and has different needs, so be sure to communicate to her your desire to increase the romance and ask for her input. Ask, "What are you most worried about? What can I do to make life easier for you? What can I do that would let you know how much I love you?"

The good news is that perfection is not a requirement. Just by making the effort to increase the romance in the relationship will score you some big points. And she may not let you even have a chance to finish reading that book on romancing your wife, because if she sees you reading it, your willingness to read it may be all the romance she needs. One last piece of advice, doing the dishes or the laundry really can be the best way to your wife's heart.

About the Author

Get a free list of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend from "Beyond Casseroles" by Lisa Copen, just signup for to HopeNotes invisible illness ezine at Rest Ministries. Lisa founded Invisible Illness Awareness

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