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by: LisaCopen
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"3-2-1 Happy New Year!" Is it? When that ball dropped in Times Square did you have some New Year's resolutions all ready to start January second?

- I'm really going to start an exercise program - I'm going to lose those extra pounds - No more bad habits! - I won't be so sensitive - I'll save more money

We all start out with the best of intentions but as March 23rd rolls around we reflect on all the ways we've already let our goals slide. It's easy to feel like we are letting ourselves and those we love down.

For most people, going through the steps of setting goals is an expectation of themselves. For those of us who live with chronic illness or chronic pain, however, it can be frustrating and intimidating. illness symptoms change constantly, hence our life, feels like it is out of our complete control most of the time, following through on the little things, like jumping on a treadmill, seem impossible before we've even began.

The rationale behind why we don't meet our goals is very reasonable.

--> I'm going to exercise more . . . And then I have surgery and my illness is exasperated. Even my doctor said to take it easy and not overdo right now.

--> I'm going to lose some weight . . . The chronic pain medications I am on make it hard to even maintain my current weight, much less lose it. I've been to the dieticians and they just say "quit taking the prednisone" which the doctor says isn't an option

--> I'm going to stop spending so much money . . . And then one emergency room visit sets you back two-thousand dollars

So what is the answer?

First, if you didn't set any goals in January, give yourself a pat on the back. No universal rule has been broken that said you must start your New Year's goals in January. The month of January is a time for recovery. You're likely exhausted from the holidays, the travel, or visiting relatives. And most people with illness pack December's calendar full of doctor's appointments too, before their health insurance deductibles all start over in the new years. If you've managed to survive January without any colds or infections, you're in the minority. And in most parts of the country the weather alone can make you feel disabled.

Secondly, make a few simple changes and don't label "resolutions." When you make your visit to Starbucks ask for the "sugar-free vanilla, breve, misto." (That's coffee with steamed half-and-half, with a touch of vanilla. It has fewer carbs, no sugar.) Rather than splurging on the "muffin" covered in chocolate chips have the sugar-free banana walnut cake (Trust me on this. . .heavenly!) Talk to a dietician about what habits you could start that would make a difference in the long run.

Thirdly, make a list of things that are important to you. Rather than saying, "I'm going to make wiser choices about money." Write down what it is that you desire. Have you wanted to go see a local Broadway show for years, but have never been able to afford the $50 ticket? Is your car running on bolts and old tires? How much would you need to fix it or replace it? Surely you value the freedom having your own transportation gives you. By taking some time to write down what is important to you, and stick them on the bathroom mirror as a reminder, it will give you some motivation when you are making those small little choices each day.

Fourthly, find a friend who has an illness who will unite in supporting you with your goals and you hers. Stress management helps illness and a healthy friend who says, "Well, you're never going to lose any weight until you join me at the gym. They have a new boot camp special that would be perfect for you!" will quickly leave you depressed and disheartened. Chronic pain and depression often go hand in hand. Our health is so out of our control that it's important to have someone who can help you see what goals are reasonable and which ones are a bit irrational under the circumstances.

Fifth, give yourself a break. Depression and chronic pain go together way too often. When you make a decision that is less than ideal, don't sweat it! Don't think of it as a failure, but rather just a less than perfect choice you made for that moment. You will have another sixty-something times in the next month to make the correct decision. Start out by just aiming for making the correct one more than half the time. Skipping that shopping spree or avoiding the drive-thru burger place is a step in the right direction.

Lastly, set goals that are fun too! Stress and illness is draining and not everything in our lives needs to be fixed. There is no better chronic pain relief than adding more joy to your life. Call people you've met in the past that you admire and ask them if they would have breakfast with you. Go to the movies each month. And when you meet a step towards your goal, such as cleaning out the closet to become more organized, reward yourself. Go buy a chic new hat that brings out the diva side of you that you've been hiding. Living with chronic pain means forcing yourself being silly sometimes.

With realistic expectations and encouraging friends you'll soon find that you are one of the few people who actually met some of your goals that you set for the year. And though some of them will go on next year's to-do list again, as they do for us all, you will be one of the blessed people who found some joy during the journey.

About the Author

Get a free list of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend from "Beyond Casseroles" by Lisa Copen, just signup for to HopeNotes invisible illness ezine at Rest Ministries. Lisa founded of Invisible Illness Week

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