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by: KenrickCleveland
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Here's part three in the four part series of articles about the representational systems of communication. Previously I wrote an overview of the different systems and how we can use these to gain rapport for easier persuasion and then went into more detail about visual language. Well, with a title containing the words 'touchy feely' this can only be about kinesthetic language, words that describe things in a way so as to be touching and feeling.

To gain rapport we have to learn how people construct and make their reality. And we have to learn how they interact with that reality. For kinesthetic oriented people, that interaction is through touch and feel.

How do you know this about a person? Like right up front, how will you be able to tell a kinesthetic person right off the bat? Well, they tend to grasp for the way in which they describe things and reach for the words to make things concrete for you. They are natural at mirroring behavior oftentimes walking in step with you or bending when you bend, or blinking when you blink. They stick with things, wanting to touch them, grasping hold of them to get a sense of their texture. They may be born touchers--massage therapists or sculptors. They will even touch their own arms or legs and may rub it as they speak. This is the way in which they are getting in touch with how they feel about what is happening around them.

A perfect example, and the epitome of kinesthesia, is Bill Clinton's famous, "I feel your pain" quote, made more notorious by his predilections.

Where visual people speak quickly with lots of words, zipping right along and auditory people speak a bit slower in either a sing-songy way or with a flat monotone, the kinesthetic person will speak much slower and often appears to be struggling to put what they are thinking into the proper words.

Kinesthetic people use touch and feel words covering the tactile sense of feeling-hot, cold, firm, a firm touch, vibration-as well as the emotional sense of feeling-love, rage, joy, anger.

If someone is standing so close to you so as to touch you, they are likely to be kinesthetically oriented. These people do not mind being touched (within reason) and a pat on the shoulder or arm, or a hug, will please them. Standing close to them is never a problem as they are not creating visual images which they project between you and them, as visually oriented people are.

One of the biggest ways I can determine this orientation is for the way. . . they might. . . . . struggle. . . for their words.

In contrast to visual people who look up, and auditory people look side-to-side or level, kinesthetic oriented people will look down, in general.

I recently read an article about a junior high school student, thirteen years old, who was cited with several infractions by his school in Virginia for hugging a friend. He would have been cited as well for handshakes, pats on the back, hand holding, or any other sort of touch. Apparently, the school has a 'no physical contact' policy mandating all touch of any sort off limits.

When I first read the story I thought, what a strange policy. As I delved deeper, I realized what a horrible disservice is being done to kinesthetic kids throughout that school district. Obviously, harmful touch is wrong and should be off limits, and I understand that boundaries need to be clear, but no physical contact seems like a bad road to start traveling down.

Coming soon: Auditory Adventures.

About the Author

Kenrick Cleveland teaches strategies to earn the business of wealthy prospects using persuasion. He runs public and private seminars and offers home study courses and coaching programs in persuasion strategies.

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