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by: KenrickCleveland
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"It is the business of thought to define things, to find the boundaries; thought, indeed, is a ceaseless process of definition. It is the business of art to give things shape." -Vance Palmer

If you've ever been in one of my classes or read any of my articles, you already know how I feel about rapport: it's absolutely mandatory and its benefits are innumerable. And yet, there is a downside to rapport. I learned this early, and it was a tough lesson.

When I was a young man, one of my first jobs was as an encyclopedia salesman. I would go into a person's home and begin my process of gaining rapport. I would ask questions about their lives, learn about their families, their jobs, their children. . .all of the things that were going on in their lives.

One of the visits I made was in Washington, in a little town that was having some difficult times financially. I had no idea about the depressed economy before I started working the area, and by the time I had figured it out, I had booked a room and made the travel plans, etc. so I had to make some sales. It wasn't easy to get the appointments, that's for sure. And when I finally did have a sit down with a prospect and gain that rapport, I'd eventually get to the big question: 'Do you see the value in what I've shown you so far?'

'Absolutely. I see the value. These are really great books.'

'Do you see how with our question answering service, that your child can have any question answered that they need help with? This could be helpful on their reports, it could be just helpful in their learning and education overall? In fact, wouldn't you like to use this, too?'

'Sure. I'd love to use them and I know my kids would definitely benefit.'

'Fabulous. Well then, why don't we get you started?'

'I'd love to get these for my family, but the mill just closed. . .' and then he went into his sad story.

I was in such deep rapport with them that after they'd get done telling me their story, I'd buy into it; I'd almost be in tears.

'Well, of course, I understand that you're not going to buy anything from me today, I mean, you know, we can always come back at some later time in the future, and if you just make sure and have my information, my card, we'll be able to come in when you do have some money, when you're able to get back to work.'

I did this day, after day. Until I realized, all of a sudden, I think this is hurting me. What I finally did, one day, is I didn't have as much rapport, or so I thought, didn't have nearly as much, but they liked the materials so well and even though they didn't have the money, they said they were going to go ahead and buy it.

After they'd bought it, they told me their sad story about how the mill had closed, and how they weren't working, but their kids were so important to them that even though they didn't have the money, their kids were most important and they were going to do it, anyway.

What a revelation that was so even though you're not working, that may play a part. They were not going to allow them to suffer because of their financial situation, and they would do whatever it took in order to get their kids the education they needed.

What this story illustrates is that I realized if you jump into rapport with somebody and get in there really deep, you might forget about your outcome. When that happens you become putty in their hands, instead of the other way around. We want the our clients to be putty in our hands.

How can you do that? Maintain your outcome. Maintain the intention of what it is you're going to do. Set it strong in your heart that no matter what they have to say to you, your outcome is going to be realized.

Intention is what makes these skills so powerful. Your intention is not to make new friends, your intention is to sell.

Think about this before each and every sales interaction: what is your intention?

About the Author

Kenrick Cleveland teaches techniques to earn the business of affluent clients using persuasion. He runs public and private seminars and offers home study courses and coaching programs in persuasion techniques.

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